What It's Like To Go A Month Without Complaining
Join us Tuesday, March 10th at 11 a.m. for a live Q&A with the creators of the Complaint Restraint Project, Thierry Blancpain and Pieter Pelgrims.
We love to complain. In fact, according to research, we complain about once a minute during an average conversation. But all of that whining comes with a cost. When we complain, our brains release stress hormones that harm neural connections in areas used for problem solving and other cognitive functions.
In an attempt to help us curb our complaining habit, Thierry Blancpain and Pieter Pelgrims created The Complaint/Restraint project with the ambitious goal of creating a more positive life by eliminating negative statements. Their project challenges people to give up complaining for the month of February.
But is it really possible to go a month without complaining? What technically constitutions a complaint anyways? Join us for a live Q&A with the creators of the Complaint/Restraint project, Thierry Blancpain and Pieter Pelgrims, to find out what life without complaining is like. The event begins Tuesday, March 7 at 11 a.m., but you can get your questions or comments in now using the “make a comment” box below.
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I think the article put that very nicely: "Turn complaints into solutions" – it’s all about how you phrase things, and that then also changes how you see things in life, at least for myself. When you meet your friends on Friday evening, and they ask how your week was – you could complain about your boss, or you could tell a story about how you had a great date night with your partner on Tuesday. So it’s a mix of what stories we tell each other, and how we tell them.
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I was in this crowded club in Brussels a while ago and I really, profoundly, hate it when people bump into me and don't apologize e.g. say "pardon me" or "excuse me" while they're actually standing on your foot, but I just turned a switch in my head and my mindset became more or less this: I'm happy, I'm happy to be here, the people in here are fantastic, I'm here with my best friends and the music is great! Step on my feet all you want, I'm not going to be affected by it, I'm going to enjoy this party.
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I tried my own no complaining challenge a few years ago and not only did I only last about two days but I found it hard to recognize what was a complaint and what wasn’t – is “it’s really cold today” a complaint?
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Pieter and I always kept that pretty common sense – so it depends on your intentions. If you state something and add to the conversation, it’s great. If it’s just to vent, maybe not so much. "I wish I had put on a sweater, it’s so cold! I’ll do so tomorrow" is a possible way to rephrase that and add a solution.
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Or rather turn it into a question and actually ask other people to help out: "Can somebody spare me his sweater, scarf or ..."
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Yeah – in the end this project is all about how you see the world, and how you communicate that to the people around you. And: how most things in life have a negative and a positive side to them.
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So Pieter and I actually work together quite often – and with that in mind, it definitely helps because we’re both in a "let’s get this done" mode. That’s great, and with this year’s response to Complaint Restraint, I also noticed that it would be great to get whole teams of people to commit to the challenge.
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I guess we both got a bit better at conflict management or dealing with certain kinds of problems.
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Rephrasing something helps a lot to defuse a situation, the atmosphere becomes much better as well and you get to solutions. Complaining doesn't get anything done really.
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Since complaining is such a foundation of conversation and friendship how do you manage to not complain when someone you are talking to is complaining? Or how do you shut down a person who is always complaining?
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I usually use phrases like "But hey, look at the bright side – you can get so much done and have so much fun with your friends during a blizzard!" or such. And I also noticed that explaining to my friends why I’m so positive helps, to tell them about Complaint Restraint, and then they already know why I’m not adding to their complaints.
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The first year we tried to not complain in February, I didn’t really tell a lot of people around me – and I think that lead to a lot of confusion. As in: why the hell is Thierry so positive about everything?
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I recently read something about this and the article more or less advised to acknowledge the problem but to not encourage further complaining. Sentences like "Yes, I hear you" etc.
Some people I call out on being downers, sorry friends! -
Sure! It can help us bond with friends, forge a feeling of togetherness in all kinds of social situations, and of course: it can help you let off some steam. But as always: only in moderation. It can easily become a drag on your relationships and your own view of your life, if you let it take over too much.
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I guess you can word it so it doesn't sound like you're nagging but actually venting? The point of this project can't be to shut up for a whole month and eventually explode cause you can't vent your feelings.
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We are almost out of time. Any tips for people who want to try this out or try a smaller version of cutting out complaints?
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Any period of time is great – try it for a week and see how it fits!
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Regarding tips, staying aware of the challenge is a good way to get started – depending on your life, that might be a post-it note on your bathroom mirror or at your workspace. And of course get your friends and colleagues to join so that you can get external feedback about how you’re doing, too.
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I guess this applies to the question before this one as well, sometimes you just have to wonder: does this matter and if it doesn't, let it go.
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Thanks for joining us! I have no complaints on how this chat went!
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Thank you for having us! And that’s good ;) We’re happy to see so many people interested in reducing their complaints, and hope to make Complaint Restraint even more helpful next year, so that even more people can find ways to live more positively!