What It Really Takes To Change Our Habits: A Discussion With Author Gretchen Rubin
Join us at 11 a.m. on Tuesday, March 17 for a live Q&A with New York Times best-selling author Gretchen Rubin to discuss how we can make real and lasting habit changes.

Many of us want to change our lives by getting rid of bad habits and adopting new habits. But changing something that is fundamental to our daily lives can be difficult.
To get insight into how we can make effective and lasting habit changes we’ll talk to Gretchen Rubin, the New York Times best-selling author of the new book Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives, about her research and experience in transforming everyday behaviors.
Join our live Q&A with best-selling author Gretchen Rubin at 11 a.m. ET on Tuesday March 17. And get your questions in now by using the "make a comment" box below.3rd & 7 37yd
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Hi, I'm Kathleen Davis, Leadership Editor at Fast Company. We're ready to get started in just a few minutes.
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Gretchen Rubin is the author of many books, including the New York Times bestsellers Happier at Home and The Happiness Project. Her books have sold more than a million copies worldwide, in more than thirty languages, and on her popular daily blog, gretchenrubin.com, she reports on her adventures in pursuit of habits and happiness. Rubin started her career in law, and was clerking for Justice Sandra Day O'Connor when she realized she wanted to be a writer.
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She’s joining us to talk about her new book, which comes out today, called Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives.
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You’ve made a name for yourself in writing about happiness, what made you want to explore habits and habit change?
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I'd been reading and writing and talking to people about happiness, and I realized that often when people faced a big happiness challenge, it was because of some HABIT that they couldn't make or break. They knew they'd be happier if they got more sleep, stopped procrastinating, etc., but somehow they just weren't able to put that knowledge into action. So I became very interested (obsessed?) with how people CAN change habits.
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Was there one habit you wanted to change when you set out to write this book? Or many habits?
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Yes, if you know your Tendency, you'll have much better insight into how to form your habits in a way that sticks. For instance, Questioners need reasons, justifications--they hate anything arbitrary or irrational, they love information--they won't stick to a habit unless they really believe it's worthwhile. For Obligers, the key is EXTERNAL ACCOUNTABILITY. This is huge! So many Obligers have told me that this piece of information, as simple as it is, has helped them tremendously.
For instance, an Obliger might not be able to get to the gym on her own, but if she works out with a friend who'll be annoyed if she doesn't show; or a trainer who charges anyway; or takes a class where the teacher notices if she's absent; or goes running with a dog who's dying to go outside, that Obliger will have no trouble at all.
So the key for Obligers, if there's a habit they struggle with, is to create forms of external accountability. But for an Upholder like me, external accountability isn't essential--it might be helpful, but it's not essential. -
You cover 21 strategies for changing your habits -- that seems like a lot, how did you arrive at 21? Where can people get started?
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The 21 strategies are the ones I identified. I have to say, I expected to find 6 or 8! But as I kept researching, I kept identifying more, until every pattern I saw had been accounted for. 21 may seem like a lot -- people may feel overwhelmed at the thought of apply 21 -- but actually it's GOOD. There's a big variety from which to choose, so you can pick the ones that suit your nature and circumstances. I think for many people, seeing the strategies laid out makes them feel more hopeful; they think, "well, I've never tried this before, and it sounds promising!" I made Checklist for Habit Change, a sheet where you can enter the habit you want to change, and brainstorm how you might use the strategies to tackle it. It's a really useful tool, but probably you'd need to read the book to be able to use it.
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I’m interested in what you call the Strategy of Distraction, because it sounds so counterintuitive – aren’t distractions what keep us from getting things done?
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You're right: there are good distractions and bad distractions. Using distraction as a strategy involves mindfully turning our attention away from something. Say you don't want to pour yourself another glass of wine; or you don't want to turn on the TV. Instead of using your will-power to fight the impulse, you turn your attention to something else. Then you forget the temptation. People often assume that cravings intensify with time, but after 15 minutes, most fade. So if you can hold out for 15 minutes, you're making good progress.
Also, when we're agitated about something -- worked up, but not taking constructive action -- distractions helps to calm us, give us a sense of perspective, a sense of relief. If you're furious about something that happened at work that day, you might decide, "I'm going to watch an episode of The Office, to take my mind off it." You'd get relief. But you're right to point out that distraction needs to be deployed wisely! -
What was the result of your meditation experiment--were you able to make it a habit and if so, did you find it had positive results?
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Gretchen wrote about four more strategies in this Fast Company article
4 Strategies To Change Your Habits That Actually Work
Fast CompanyGretchen Rubin dug though the research on habit change to find what it really takes to make a fresh start. -
I was able to make the habit of meditation (I am an Upholder!), but I must say, I didn't find meditation to be a useful habit for me. I didn't see any benefit from it.
So then I had to unmake the habit! -
We have a reader who wants to know: Is it possible to drop a bad habit and start a good habit at that same time?
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As with most things to do with habits, it depends! You use the same strategies, whether the habit is good or bad, so that's not really the issue. (Good and bad habits are mirror images of each other: to stop procrastinating is to start work; to eat more healthfully is to quit sugar.) It does matter whether you prefer to start big or start small. Some people prefer to work on one habit at a time; others are more energized by big, bold changes. This is one of the "distinctions" I mentioned earlier. There's no right way or wrong way, just what works for YOU.
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You mentioned knowing someone else’s tendency if you want to help them change their habits, what about how people can influence you when you are trying to change your habits –what can you do about those outside influences?
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This is the Strategy of Other People -- we have tremendous influence over each other's habits. So you want to associate with people who are likely to rub off on you in a good way! And be very aware if you're around people who have habits that you don't want to pick up.
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Something that you mention in the book, The Strategy of Scheduling is something we write about a lot – can you explain what it is and why it’s important?
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Here's an excerpt from Better Than Before on the Strategy of Scheduling:
One Of The Most Important Strategies For Changing Your Habits
Fast CompanyIn an excerpt from her new book, best-selling author Gretchen Rubin explains how to schedule habit change into your daily routine.