The New Habit Challenge: What Happened When Fast Company Staff Said No To Everything
Join Leadership Editor Kathleen Davis and other Fast Company editors on Friday October 10 at 11 a.m. ET as they chat with CEO of NewBrand Analytics Kristin Muhlner about trying out her policy of saying no to almost everything.
In the quest to always get more done, we often find ourselves doing way too much.
So in the name of reclaiming a bit more of our time and sanity, we are spending a week just saying no. No to networking events, no to taking on extra projects, no to responding to (most) emails.
The inspiration for opting out in the name of productivity came from this interview with Kristin Muhlner, the CEO of NewBrand Analytics.
In the interview, Muhlner shared her habit of turning down most requests for her time. She said "I’m really ruthless in terms of doing only those things which are absolutely essential. I’m saying no to a lot, both in work and life."
Muhlner claims that this strategy of being strategic about what she chooses to do (rather than doing all of those things she feels she should do) frees her up to be fully present in the things that she does say yes to.
For this week’s habit challenge, several Fast Company staffers will practice the art of saying no to everything that sucks our time away from the things we really want to be doing.
Will we feel liberated from the unnecessary tasks that eat up all of our time or will we be consumed by a fear of missing out? Try a week (or even a day) of saying no and tell us what you loved and hated about it and tune in to our Live Chat at 11 a.m. on Friday October 10th to find out how it worked for us and share your opinion. Are you taking part in the challenge? Tell us about your experience in the "make a comment" box below!
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We'll be chatting live in two days on Friday morning at 11am ET with four Fast Company editors and the woman who inspired us to just say no for a week: Kristin Muhlner, the CEO of NewBrand Analytics.Here's the article were she explained her method of saying no to almost everythingWe are only half way through the week so you still have plenty of time to say not to lots of things and let us know how it goes!
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In one hour Erin Schulte, Fast Company Senior Editor and Valerie Lapinski, Video Producer for FastCo Studios will join me to chat with Kristin Muhlner, the CEO of NewBrand Analytics who inspired us to say no to everything for a week.
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So how do we determine what feels worth saying yes to when it comes to stuff like this?
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I think almost anything can be a networking event. A gallery opening, a book reading, a panel event about something that's truly interesting... those are events that aren't expressly designed to make you network, but where people in our fields tend to naturally gather. Those types of events are where I tend to meet people in a productive way.
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Tony Hsieh from Zappos says something similar: Instead, I really prefer to focus on just building relationships and getting to know people as just people, regardless of their position in the business world or even if they're not from the business world. I believe that there's something interesting about anyone and everyone -- you just have to figure out what that something is. If anything, I've found that it's more interesting to build relationships with people that are not in the business world because they almost always can offer unique perspectives and insights, and also because those relationships tend to be more genuine.
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So it sounds like we found it easy to say no to strangers but how did you deal with saying no to friends, coworkers and your family?
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I said no to a lot of drinks and dinner invites and that was fine, but the hardest thing for me was saying no to a friend who really needed to talk about a problem. I told her I’d make time later, but that I really had carved out the next couple of hours to do some transcribing that I’d been meaning to do. That was hard for me because I always drop everything for my friends. This person understood, luckily, and I got my task done and was able to fully listen to her when I was done.
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I think it is a really tough question. It's very hard to feel like we're disappointing people, especially our children. I find that I have to constantly remind myself that my best relationships are marathons, not sprints.
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Val, did you feel the need to explain yourself or justify why you were saying no?
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One thing I said no to this week was an invitation from a friend to join a new women's group she was starting, a monthly brunch to talk about what's going on with us personally or professionally and support each other. My inclination was to say yes, but because of this challenge I thought about it more critically. My weekends, realistically, are very busy with family and household stuff. I felt like I would not be able to contribute to the group in a consistent way, which I believe is necessary if you are going to be sharing personal things. I told her this, and she was totally gracious about it--and I didn't feel bad. I feel like it would have been selfish of me to sign on, and then only show up when I needed it or was able to regardless of how it shifted the dynamic of the group to have someone there only sporadically.
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I think giving people context, whether at work or in your personal life, is helpful when you have to say no or ask someone to wait.
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Kate, I did explain myself (which is also hard for me!) I said that there's something I really need to do for myself but that I do care and want to make time later when I wouldn't be distracted.
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Not to open a huge can of worms, but I think there's a baby elephant in the room... all of us currently chatting are women. Is it as hard for men to say no? Any guys viewing this who would care to comment? (sorry for the mixed animal metaphors)
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So we feel like we should explain our motivations to people we care about but not so much with strangers right? Thoughts on the non-response as a no? This is my main method, if it’s an unsolicited pitch, call, etc. I just don’t answer – I feel that the answering eats up time and there is bound to be a follow-up asking for feedback or an explanation. “This isn’t a fit for us” rarely ends the conversation.
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Here's my approach to most cold pitches (sorry, folks):
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That would be if we actually answered the phone in the first place Erin!
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I did a non-response to an email this week and it was great. Someone else ended up taking care of it. That's normally not my style but I have to admit I liked the outcome!
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I have a friend who gets 500 - 600 emails a day. I encouraged him to delete them all, with the assumption that the important stuff would come back. How could you possibly respond to everything?
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See I thought I had a lot -- I counted about 30 emails a day that I deleted without responding to
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Somewhat related question: How do you deal with friends or family members who always say yes, but then are obviously resentful about constantly doing favors? I know I have made requests of people and had them agree, only to find out later they feel taken advantage of.
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Rose, my response is that it's totally their problem (said in the nicest say possible...)
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We are just about out of time, anyone have any final thoughts on saying no? Will you keep this habit up?
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I already say no to a lot. Like I said earlier, I'd like to get to a place where I can say yes to a bit more. When does the "yes" challenge begin?
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(Except bad, cold pitches. Those will always get a "how about never.")
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This has been a really interesting exercise for me. I never realized that there was an actual philosophy to behaving like this, but the article and this webchat have made me much more aware of the fundamentals of saying yes and no. I actually think I'll do both better now.
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Thanks for opening our eyes to saying no Kristin! I think from now on I'll be more aware of it at least.
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For the next week’s challenge we’ll see if working from home makes us more productive. Read the full challenge here and join the challenge, then check in next Friday at 11am to see how it went and weigh in.
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You can also check out all of our past habit challenges here.