- 04.07.14
Live Chat!
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[Photo: Reinhard Hunger for Fast Company]
The New Habit Challenge: What Happened When Fast Company Staff Said No To Everything
Join Leadership Editor Kathleen Davis and other Fast Company editors on Friday October 10 at 11 a.m. ET as they chat with CEO of NewBrand Analytics Kristin Muhlner about trying out her policy of saying no to almost everything.
In the quest to always get more done, we often find ourselves doing way too much.
So in the name of reclaiming a bit more of our time and sanity, we are spending a week just saying no. No to networking events, no to taking on extra projects, no to responding to (most) emails.
The inspiration for opting out in the name of productivity came from this interview with Kristin Muhlner, the CEO of NewBrand Analytics.
In the interview, Muhlner shared her habit of turning down most requests for her time. She said "I’m really ruthless in terms of doing only those things which are absolutely essential. I’m saying no to a lot, both in work and life."
Muhlner claims that this strategy of being strategic about what she chooses to do (rather than doing all of those things she feels she should do) frees her up to be fully present in the things that she does say yes to.
For this week’s habit challenge, several Fast Company staffers will practice the art of saying no to everything that sucks our time away from the things we really want to be doing.
Will we feel liberated from the unnecessary tasks that eat up all of our time or will we be consumed by a fear of missing out? Try a week (or even a day) of saying no and tell us what you loved and hated about it and tune in to our Live Chat at 11 a.m. on Friday October 10th to find out how it worked for us and share your opinion. Are you taking part in the challenge? Tell us about your experience in the "make a comment" box below!
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We'll be chatting live in two days on Friday morning at 11am ET with four Fast Company editors and the woman who inspired us to just say no for a week: Kristin Muhlner, the CEO of NewBrand Analytics.Here's the article were she explained her method of saying no to almost everythingWe are only half way through the week so you still have plenty of time to say not to lots of things and let us know how it goes!
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A small sample of the things I've said no to so far this week:
- A press event about ringtones
- Participating in an email recipe exchange with 30 other people
- Paying monthly dues for an organization I quit two months ago (well I half said no..I paid one month instead of two, guilt got the best of me)
- A cold pitch from a writer that started with "How's Tricks?"
- Countless emails that were follow ups on things that I had previously not responded to because I wasn't interested
- At least 20 invitations for a quick coffee, lunch, or a "desk side chat"
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In one hour Erin Schulte, Fast Company Senior Editor and Valerie Lapinski, Video Producer for FastCo Studios will join me to chat with Kristin Muhlner, the CEO of NewBrand Analytics who inspired us to say no to everything for a week.
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Hi everyone, doing this Live Chat was the first thing I had to say "yes" to this week.
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Hi everyone, we are ready to start. Erin and Valerie are here and we're talking to Kristin about saying no to everything
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Kristin, since our interview with you inspired this challenge
why don’t you start us off by explaining your philosophy of saying no to almost everything. -
Kristin, thanks for joining us today. Your story hit a real nerve with readers wanting to understand how busy, successful people get things done. You can find more advice from executives about how they operate day-to-day in our series, How I Get It Done.
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Thanks for having me! I think at the core, what we're talking about is a ruthless discipline to do only those things that are essential to making you happy and filling your personal objectives. It's not about saying "no" per se, as it is about saying yes in a really present way to that which matters.
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This challenge wasn’t hard for me at all. I think as a journalist I’m used to both saying no and being told no. If anything it made me more aware of how much I say no everyday and how I still feel like I don’t know where the time goes – I can’t imagine if I said yes to everything! Did any of you feel similarly? Was this a big change?
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Because of the nature of our jobs, we already say "no" to a lot--hundreds of PR pitches and meetings every week, story ideas from writers that don't work, requests to join or lead panels, classes, or events or help out entry-level writers or students who are looking for guidance. I have two kids under 5 and a full-time job--if I said "yes " to everything, I'd have zero hours in the day for either. "No" is my default mode--I honestly think a bigger challenge for me would be a "yes" challenge, where I have to shift out of my "no" mode and say yes to some things I otherwise might not. -
This challenge was super hard for me. I work really collaboratively in our video team and so there are tasks within my job that I absolutely must do. And luckily I don’t get a lot of cold pitches like the other editors here do! So within my actual job I didn’t really change much (though I did ignore a few emails…). My bigger challenge is in my personal life. I have a really robust network of colleagues and friends and I usually always accept invites and have something going on every single night of the week. Lately I’ve been trying to concentrate on some personal projects, so saying “no” is becoming something I have to do.
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I was quite surprised at the reaction to this piece. Lots of people reached out to me to share their stories. I received this email, which I'm editing for brevity, but which I think highlights one woman's personal story:
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"I'm a designer in my 20s, and have always felt this enormous pressure that I wasn't doing enough. That I wasn’t “Leaning In”. There's always something new to learn, or read, or participate in, or people to meet and collaborate with… and there never seems to be enough time for any of it. And that’s just the work side of life.
I noticed this first when I was living in New York. It was so fashionable to complain about how busy you were, how late you had to stay at work and how much sleep you weren’t getting, how many side projects you had on your plate. I felt like people judged me as lazy or antisocial when I declined to go to an event, or participate in a project.
I am so thankful to hear you call “bullshit” on this. You may not be the fist, but it’s the first time I’ve seen it communicated to succinctly.
I agree; I want to be intentional about how I invest my time, both at work and in life. Part of the reason I moved from New York to San Francisco was so that I could spend more time with the people I care most about, and do the things in life that really matter (having lazy Sunday morning chats, getting 8 hours of sleep a night, running a half marathon, learning to surf, learning to letterpress, finding love, dancing with friends…) alas that pressure followed me all the way to Silicon Valley.
While my team, and my company, say they value the balance between work and life, I think there’s a huge difference between saying you support balance, and actually supporting it.
I certainly don’t have all the answers. But I’m putting a stake in the ground. I told all my friends and network to keep me accountable to saying no, and to being intentional about how I invest my time. " -
I think Erin makes a good point about coming from a place of no rather than automatically agreeing to everything. One of the first responses I got to this challenge was “But I thought successful people said yes to everything and took chances?” Is it detrimental to come at life with a “no” mindset?
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I think it *can* be detrimental to say no to too many things. That said, there is a flip side to saying no--it means you are saying "yes" to something else more important to you. I'm OK with that trade off. I used to do a lot more volunteer work and took on a lot of leadership positions outside of the office, and I have scaled back a lot on that, more than I'd like, really--for now.
Once my kids have more going on in school and extracurriculars, I hope that I am able to ramp that back up and say yes to more. I think there are seasons of "no," and seasons of "yes." A challenge like this is a good reason to evaluate or re-evaluate which one you might be in. -
(Although, I've been warned that actually it only gets crazier the older kids get, so maybe I'm fooling myself!)
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I love the idea of seasons in your life, and acknowledging them. I had to "resign" as CEO of my household last year because I felt so overwhelmed. I couldn't keep all the balls up in the air. Sometimes saying no just means asking for help. And generally I think we stink at that.
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This is honestly the first time I’ve actually practiced saying “no” and “yes” with intention. I’m hoping that’s just because so far my internal barometer hasn’t led me too far astray. But I noticed that by saying “no” to a lot of invites this week, I accomplished some really fulfilling personal tasks that I’ve been meaning to do forever - transcribing interviews for a book project, practicing music, cleaning out my closet, and actually having some time to sit and pet the cat and stare at the wall. It was a glorious week! (Ps I don’t have kids, obviously.)
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This all came to a head for me when I asked my husband to help me out with a few things. I sent him a list of things (yes, I was that person), but my last item was "And please, do all of the above without me having to ask you." I hated myself for it. After that, I just let it all go. I had to let go of some control. If my kids didn't look perfect, so be it. If I didn't throw the perfect dinner party, so be it.
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Kristin, that's a good point. For me the most challenging part of saying no was saying no to myself and delegating things that weren’t the best use of my time. Several times during the week I found myself resisting “I’ll just do it myself” syndrome: Should I make a quick correction to a story or delegate the task to someone else? Should I offer to write a blog post or assign it to someone else? Is this something any of you battled with and if so how did you make the call?
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If anyone watching has question or wants to share similar experiences you can share them in the "make a comment" box
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I think there's a related question as well, Kate, which is "Does it matter?" I used to proofread every one of our press releases, RFP responses, etc. Was that really the highest and best use of my time? Did it really matter?
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A really positive thing I noticed is that friends and professional contacts are all still there even if you say no or turn down something. I often fear that if I say no, an amazing conversation or collaborative opportunity will be lost. But that’s not really true. If you cultivate good, intentional relationships, they stick with you even if you have to say no from time to time.
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I completely agree with struggling to delegate, because quite often it feels like I may have to spend as much time explaining and/ or reviewing than by actually doing it myself. This is probably not true. It also puts a lot of pressure on just me, and takes away the feeling of being on a team and supported.
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It sounds like it's a question of what matters the most and being able to identify what is a priority
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My sister shared some excellent parenting advice with me, which I think is great in leadership as well. I was complaining about the fact that my children don't clean up after themselves, and she said "It's because you always come along after them and do it better. You undermine their confidence in their ability. Just let them do it. And be OK if it isn't perfect." I realize we don't always have this luxury at work, but its an important lesson.
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Agree with Amy: Delegating often feels like the better long term solution in the long term, but in the moment, every time it seems easier to do it yourself. But it's usually to teach delegates to handle more.
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In the quest to always get more done, we often find ourselves doing way too much.
So in the name of reclaiming a bit more of our time and sanity, we spent a week just saying no. No to networking events, no to taking on extra projects, no to responding to (most) emails. Happening now, our Leadership Editor Kathleen Davis and other Fast Company editors are chatting with @NBrandAnalytics CEO Kristin Muhlner about her policy of saying no to almost everything. Check out the liveblog in our profile link. (Photo by @iamrobbiejones)by Fast Company via Instagram 10/10/2014 3:27:32 PM -
I got lots of negative feedback from folks about declining networking events. I'm curious about everyone's perspective on this topic. What is effective networking?
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I'm very social, but I'm an introvert; networking as traditionally conceived is sometimes draining. However, I think people conflate "networking" and "relationships."
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They are not the same thing. Networking, I don't love. Having close relationships with people I respect in my industry, however, is something that's important to me, I enjoy, and I work on.
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I hate those networking events too and almost always say no to them. Does anyone like them?
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My guess is the people who are super-pro networking--and appalled at the idea of saying no to it--are that way because they are extroverts!
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I get invited to a lot of networking events, for filmmakers, photographers, alumni of my journalism program, etc. And I almost always say no. Instead, I support the work of people I admire through social media, email or even text my peers from time to time to keep in touch, and make an effort to meet up and exchange ideas every few months. For me that works, because the interaction is so much more authentic than in a group setting.
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So how do we determine what feels worth saying yes to when it comes to stuff like this?
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I think almost anything can be a networking event. A gallery opening, a book reading, a panel event about something that's truly interesting... those are events that aren't expressly designed to make you network, but where people in our fields tend to naturally gather. Those types of events are where I tend to meet people in a productive way.
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Tony Hsieh from Zappos says something similar: Instead, I really prefer to focus on just building relationships and getting to know people as just people, regardless of their position in the business world or even if they're not from the business world. I believe that there's something interesting about anyone and everyone -- you just have to figure out what that something is. If anything, I've found that it's more interesting to build relationships with people that are not in the business world because they almost always can offer unique perspectives and insights, and also because those relationships tend to be more genuine.
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So it sounds like we found it easy to say no to strangers but how did you deal with saying no to friends, coworkers and your family?
