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Live Chat: Women And Negotiation – Busting the Stereotypes, Dissecting the Statistics And Fixing The Problem
Join Leadership Editor Kathleen Davis, Victoria Pynchon, cofounder of She Negotiates, and Carol Frohlinger, cofounder of Negotiating Women, Inc., on Wednesday, January 21 at 11 a.m. ET for a discussion about the pay gap, negotiation, and how everyone can finally get what they want.
Few people actually like negotiation, but statistics, studies, and anecdotal evidence show that women not only negotiate less frequently than men, but they often end up with less.
We’ll take a critical eye to the stereotypes, break down how both men and women can change their approach to the situation, and figure out how we can change the future.
Two experts on women and negotiation will participate in the conversation.
Victoria Pynchon is the cofounder of She Negotiates. A lawyer with more than 25 years of experience who has written two books on dispute resolution, she’s focused on closing the gender wage gap and is a negotiation consultant, trainer, and speaker.
Carol Frohlinger is the cofounder of Negotiating Women, Inc., a negotiation expert and former sales executive, commercial banker, and practicing attorney. She has written two books on women and negotiation and is a frequent speaker on the topic.
Join the discussion with us on Wednesday, January 21 at 11 a.m. ET.
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A recent study about women's performance reviews revealed how we are judged differently:
The One Word Men Never See In Their Performance Reviews
Fast CompanyThere's one adjective that's never used to criticize men, yet it shows up at an alarming rate in women's performance reviews. -
Mutual benefit or interest based negotiation has been proven to be more effective for both parties than distributive negotiation (dividing a single "pie" of benefits). This is a natural for women who tend to divide the spoils equally rather than grabbing as much as they can for themselves.
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Corporate culture (Carol's response): ask diagnostic questions - who makes decisions; who is able to get past the "budget" or "we've always done it this way."
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Figure out the culture is best done by observing. For example, if you work in a heirachectal company, don't go over your boss's head. Instead, try to help him/her to see how he/she will benefit by letting you talk with the boss's boss.
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Mutual benefit negotiation = a problem solving conversation where you ask questions of your bargaining partner to reveal his/her interests (fears, needs, desires, values) and then seek to uncover or create additional value to be added to the "pool" of items that can be trade, focusing on trading items of low cost to them but high value for you (called "log rolling")
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Be a problem solver. Tell you boss that SHE should be making more money too (ingratiation also goes a long way)
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Mutual gains negotiation aka win-win negotiation is a very important approach to negotiating with clients, colleagues, family and friends. You care how they feel about the negotiaition process as well as the outcome.
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Men do not trust "karma." They take credit and ask for reward. If you don't take credit and ask for reward, someone else will take the credit for what you did. GUARANTEED.
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The Perfect Case Against Microsoft CEO's Remark That Women Shouldn't Ask For Raises
Fast CompanyMaria Klawe didn't let the fact that she's a Microsoft board member stop her from publicly disagreeing with the CEO's disastrous remarks. -
Microsoft CEO’s famously put his foot in his mouth last Fall suggesting that women should “trust karma” instead of asking for a raise. Is that a common misconception – that you should just work hard and you’ll be recognized? Is that belief or expectation different for men and women?
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That advice was just plain silly. I wonder if he relied on karma when negotiating his compensation?
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Negotiation is a delicate balance for everyone (I consult with organizations and men too) and frankly it's hard for all of us to ask for more (think of Oliver asking for more porridge - he should have made his case for more, not begged for it). There are times when it's OK to trade power for sympathy but women do it too much.
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That is related to what I call The Tiara Syndrome - a mistaken beleif that if you work ward, deliver excellent results and hope that the right people will notice and reward you by placing a tiara on your head.
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It can happen - but it doesn't very often.
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If you're uncomfortable with self-praise, praise your team for the results you produced. Everyone will know it's you.
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Q: Even if you successfully negotiate your salary with your employer, and you get a higher offer, how do you know it's comparable to what your male counterparts are making if there's very little salary transparency across the board? How do you ask about that, in a professional manner?
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Go to payscale.com, glassdoor.com or salary.com to get comparable salaries and benefits.
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You can also ask about pay bands that many employers have for particular job titles. Ask about the bands. Find allies and ask "on the down low." You should be developing a network of trusted advisors in any job. You need the inside scoop that no one's talking about. If you can't ask the CEO, ask his administrative assistant out to lunch. Power is held in surprising places.
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You have to gather as much information as you can. You can't ask directly usually but you can to your research as Vickie suggested. Also vault.com. And join trade or professional assoications where you can meet meet in your industry and get some data about compensation.
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I pick up the phone and ask people in the field.
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Finding allies is really important. They can give you information as well as brag on your behalf so that your value is visible.
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How is the gender dynamic different between a male boss and female employee versus a female boss and a female employee?
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I wouldn't stereotype male or female employer-supervisor/employee-subordinate relationships. Make creating good relationships a big part of your job. My anecdotal experience from 25 years in a male dominated profession is men are suckers for flattery and women resist flattery at all costs. Women appreciate depth, transparency and HELP. They need HELP. Help them. Do favors for them. (sorry guys but, really, you buy an awful lot of BS from women every day of the week).
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The issue is, stereotypes are helped by both men and women about women - and men.
And that you can't lump 50% of the workforce population into one category - there is a continuum of behavior. -
The key is to understand what makes the other person tick. What is he/she concerned about? What will make him/her comfortable with saying yes to your request. Gender is much less important. -
I hope Queen Bee Syndrome is diminishing with the two generations that followed mine. But when there are only a couple of women and dozens of men at the top, it creates a climate of scarcity and people WILL fight and undermine one another in that situation. It's not that all women in biz are witches. It's a result of systemic institutional sexism. There, I said it. Sexism.
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And women in leadership roles are, as we said earlier, judged harshly so have to have more reasons to defend their decisions because people will be questioning them.
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The focus of most discussions on negotiation is on the person making the ask, but what does the person on the other side of the table need to be aware of?
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Look here to get tips on negotiationg salary:
www.negotiatingwomen.com -
The fact that top talent is hard to recruit and to retain. As the job market improves, talent has more and better options.
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The most encouraging news of 2015 is Aetna's CEO giving pay raises from minimum to $16/hour (a living wage in most states). He read Piketty's Capital in the 21st Century (about the dangers of income inequality), made all his managers read it and raised his lowest workers' salaries ACROSS THE BOARD. I recommend this and also looking at pay discrepancies and doing something about it.
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So, employers are no longer in the driver's seat to the degree they were during the dark days of The Great Recession!
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I have a friend who told me when she became Dean of the School of Arts & Sciences at an Ivy League University that if they closed the gender gap for her school, it would bankrupt the entire university. It was that large.
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Often, we don't realize that we have power we do - we can't sell ourselves short.
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If managers or executives see a pay gap they should be envisioning lawsuits. Closing the wage gap is just sensible risk management.
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Managers should also make sure that women are heard at meetings, are evaluated fairly, and are not asked to do invisible work.
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If men in positions of power asked themselves, "should I make my workplace comfortable for ME and my buddies or comfortable for my employees" they'd see that they need to take action to close the pay gap to make their business more productive.
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Invisible work is the work that makes the wheels on the bus go round and round but are not valued when it comes to raises, bonuses and promotions.
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OBJECTIVE METRICS are key, absolutely necessary, to make decisions that promote the right people at the right time.
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Oh my...invisible work. Finally a name to describe it. Thank you. I thought I was crazy.
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And if your company is considered is meritocracy, be afraid, be very afraid. Research shows that those companies are less fair to women and other minorities because they sit on their laurels - we don't have a problem here!
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An objective metric can be measured, i.e., how much your team increased sales or decreased costs last year, participation in activities that further the bottom line profitability of the organization. Most employees have no idea how decisions are made. When they're made based on "leadership capacity" or "collegiality" or "promise," implicit bias slips in.
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Women do the emotional work in every organization. Legal secretaries have called their work an "emotional sweat shop."
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If you are doing too much of this, figure out a way to negotiate your way out of it - maybe offer to "advise" someone else, perhaps a man, about how to take that task over...
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We only have a few minutes left and this is such a big topic, what are some parting words of wisdom? Where do we go from here?
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There is so much! Negotiation is THE critical career skill, in MHO. Feel free to visit www.negotiatingwomen.com, Resources page for more information.
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Big topic. A lot to talk about. The core of interest-based negotiation is learning what your bargaining partner needs, what constraints they're operating under, what hidden interests their serving and what other people they have to answer to. So every negotiation is unique. The skills of an interest-based negotiator (strategy and tactics) are like tools. Like, "should I use a hammer on this or a power drill?" We can't answer that for you. We can just provide you with the tools and let you use your institutional knowledge and discretion to get it as right as negotiated resolutions can be. We have tons of free helpful materials at shenegotiates.com
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Also, the good news is that negotiaiton is a learnable skill. If you focus on it, you can enhance your ability to negotiate successfully. -
You don't get it if you don't ask for it. You can't be it if you can see it. Form alliances, seek help. HIRE A CONSULTANT. Carol is a dynamite coach and consultant. What you pay her will be peanuts compared to the reward (this is called "sponsorship" ladies).